Guest blog HOPE for Horses: communication is connection

For me, dealing with horses is a big fat party every day! The way of connecting with horses is something that is easier for me than with people. Not because I don't like people, but horses are so honest. There is no hidden agenda in this communication. Because we (HOPE for Horses) also work with traumatized horses, it is sometimes a bit of a puzzle to figure out what works best for which horse. There are different approaches to communication as I wrote before in my blogs, but for me connecting is number 1! Dealing with what is there in connection. Horses have a great will to connect together. As a herd animal, connection is safety.

31 January '25 - 5 min reading time

Communication and connection

80% of all communication is non-verbal. This means, without words but for example with energy, body language, knowledge and feeling ability. Part of the connection is communication:

• Being connected is communication

• Communication is being connected Communication is one of the non-verbal communications I use in my work, think about this ;).

  
  

Have no interest in the outcome

In order to achieve good communication/connection, there must be an empathetic ability. In principle, everyone has this ability. But it is just like a muscle, the more attention you give it, the stronger it becomes. Or, the more you dare to get out of the way, the clearer the communication may and can become. Interpretation is something different than communication. In order to be able to communicate truly and sincerely, you must have no interest in the outcome at all. That is where the shoe pinches sometimes. As humans, we often have a big finger in the pie with how fast and along which path our horse may travel. Setting a goal is wonderful and also very useful, but we must also sometimes be able to fine-tune. Take a small side road to then get back on the highway.

Practical example

I have experienced the most beautiful and special things in this communication. There was a horse with a huge problem! Her hock was ossified and she was really lame. The owner received a communication from a friend as a gift. I was informed a little in advance about what the problem was and I immediately got stressed! What if I don't hear it properly and what if I am the reason that this horse will be put to sleep because of my communication....

When I had made contact with the owner I wanted to know a few things about the horse to find out how she communicates, who I am dealing with and if I had the right horse "on the line". My first question to her (horse): 'how old are you?' She says, 'twelve', but that's not right!' Uhm... sorry? Well, I pass this on to the owner and she starts laughing. That's absolutely right, she's already 13 but I keep getting it wrong... Ah, great! Now I know who I'm dealing with!

Because this horse knew that I was not comfortable with making a statement about her life, she avoided it. We had a nice communication and although the owner was happy with it, it did not sit well with me. I had not answered the pressing question whether she wanted to continue living with this pain.

Two days later when she woke up she (the horse) said: 'tell her she made the right decision!' I didn't know what this was about, but let the owner know... She came back to me with: 'I made a decision about her life, I'm going to put her to sleep because the pain is getting worse!' Moments like these give chickens a treat! The horse gave the much needed confirmation.

This beautiful horse had not forced anyone to make a choice, she had the direction nicely in 'hands' and knew exactly how and what she wanted. At the right moment she knew what she wanted. Without making anyone feel guilty! How loving <3 !

Giving space creates connection

This communication, sensing/feeling through, we use daily with our own horses. With riding, daily interaction, with everything actually. The more we "get out of the way", the more connection, the more communication without words. The more you can sense/feel through.

Our body does this without us having to think about it, automatically. When riding our horse this (non-verbal communication) is the biggest factor. Your body on your horse's. You don't talk your horse through the training, you move your body to make your horse's do things. That is also non-verbal communication.

Be aware of your actions and communications

This piece is where my passion lies, the piece: how do you become so aware of your actions that your horse can understand you better and that you can both get the most out of being together/work/task/competition.

It can be something as small as relaxing your diaphragm, or taking a deep, relaxed breath! Your horse can really start to walk completely differently when you consciously relax or tense your body, consciously let go or give it space.

Giving and allowing

Very often we are taught from childhood that we have to "control" the horse. Well, good luck! Yes, some allow it, but most do not. I often come across horses that are so sensitive that they seem really stubborn or dangerous. The moment you let the rider open a certain awareness, the horse can relax. The horse immediately feels that he or she has you "on a leash". That there is an opening for the horse to take place in the dance. This can really be as simple as just being aware of a certain muscle tension and letting go of this tension. Allowing instead of asking, giving instead of forcing. It can be so beautiful, so simple too.

Drive with your heart

The dance between horse and rider is then a real connecting/connected dance. A joint movement in which the horse can take the next position. But when you dance with a dance partner who keeps stepping on your toes, you become tense, you might even start walking on your toes. Anything is better than experiencing pain all the time, right? For a horse, it doesn't even have to be pain that it starts with. Insecure horses need to be heard, seen, guided much sooner. But then with peace, with feeling and with understanding. But especially with the ability to empathize! Of course, this applies to all types of horses. As soon as you as a rider start riding with your heart, you will feel it! You will really feel what your horse needs.